Healing after heartbreak and finding myself again
Eighteen months ago, my world fell apart in a way I never saw coming. The relationship I thought would lead to building a life together ended suddenly and without warning. I was left with shock, confusion, and a deep ache that has followed me ever since.
For a long time, I carried the pain quietly. I busied myself, told myself I was “strong,” and avoided sitting with the full depth of the grief. But what I’ve come to realise is this: healing doesn’t happen through avoidance. Healing comes when we choose to face what hurts, honour it, and gently work our way through it.
If you’re walking through a breakup or the loss of a friendship, I want to share some reflections and tools that have helped me and that I now share with my clients, so you know you are not alone.
The myth of timelines
At 18 months, I found myself asking: “Why am I not over this yet?” But the truth is, grief doesn’t run on a clock. Some days feel lighter, others heavy, and that’s okay.
The second year after a loss often brings a different kind of pain it’s no longer the raw shock, but a quieter, more reflective ache. This is the stage where identity is rebuilt, where you start asking: Who am I without this relationship? What do I want for my future now?
Practical tools for healing
Here are some practices that have supported me, and that you may find helpful on your own path:
1. Journaling with honesty
Write without censoring yourself. Capture the anger, the sadness, the longing, the gratitude all of it. Try prompts like:
- What have I discovered about myself in the past 18 months?
- Where do I still feel tethered to the past?
- What parts of me are ready to grow again?
- What am I truly grieving?
2. Rituals for release
Closure isn’t a single event; it’s a process. Creating rituals can help mark turning points. Write a letter to your ex (that you’ll never send), or plant something new in your garden as a symbol of growth.
3. Listening to the body
Grief doesn’t just live in the mind; it lingers in the body. Gentle yoga, walking, or even mindful breathing can help release what words can’t reach. I work through TRE (trauma release therapy), which released a lot of stress I was carrying in my body. I listened to sound bath sessions, which helped me connect with my deeper self. (These can be found on YouTube.)
4. Practicing self-compassion
Instead of asking “Why am I not healed yet?” try: “What do I need right now?” Being kind to yourself in the moments of struggle builds resilience more than forcing yourself to “move on.”
The fear of never loving again
One of the heaviest thoughts I carried was: “What if I’m incapable of love now?” If you’ve felt this too, know this it isn’t a sign of being broken. It’s the mind’s way of protecting us from further pain.
The work is to gently remind ourselves that love isn’t gone forever; it’s simply being redefined. Right now, I practice self-love and self-trust because the more I build that, the more space I’ll have for love in the future.
From pain to wisdom
Looking back, I see that the past 18 months haven’t just been about loss they’ve been about learning. I’ve learned what I value most in relationships, where my boundaries are, and how important it is to stay connected to myself.
Grief has been a teacher. And while I wouldn’t have chosen this lesson, I know it has made me stronger, more compassionate, and better equipped to help others through their own seasons of loss.
An invitation
If you’re walking through heartbreak, I want you to know that your grief is valid whether it’s been 18 weeks, 18 months, or longer. Healing isn’t about erasing what happened; it’s about integrating it and allowing yourself to grow from it.
At Balanced Life Coaching, I use tools like journaling, self-compassion practices, and wellness routines to help clients navigate loss and rebuild their sense of self. If you’re ready to explore this journey with support, I’d love to walk alongside you.
You are not incapable of love. You are in the process of remembering how to love yourself first. And that is the most powerful beginning of all.
Hugs always
Kirsty